Where did i go?

I find myself feeling more and more jealous of people and things. I hate feeling this way but I just can't help it. Everyone that gets to go on a vacation without having a horrible wreck, everyone that has some sort of talent, everyone that has an outlet for their said talent. It's dumb that I feel this way. I don't have any of that. I am not really good at anything. Scott spends a good majority of his time playing music which makes him happy and relives stress for him. I AM happy for him and proud of his talent. I just feel so lost. I am tired of watching everyone be happy while I am so damn miserable. Yes i know the saying "Life is what you make it". That's all great and all to say it but right now I just feel very trapped. Scott has been getting more and more frustrated with me, every time I try to express how I feel or if I say "I really want to go somewhere" He gets angry and yells " SORRY I CAN'T GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED, I'M SORRY I'M FUCKING UP YOUR LIFE! ". I don't feel like he's fucking up my life but it does suck to watch him have a great time going to practice and playing shows meanwhile I sit in the shadows and clap. I have a very small number of friends and what friends I do have hardly ever come visit me. Oh and one of my friends pretty much thinks that if I am in a good mood then I must be a drug addict. I am becoming bitter and very Jaded. Maybe I should get back on anti depressants then maybe my life will still suck but I just wont care as much, but the last time I told my Dr. I was having some postpartum depression he basically told me to "get over it'. I try so hard to put on a happy face when other people are around but when I'm alone all I want to do is cry. I cried for over 2 hours the other day for no real reason at all. It just feels like everything that I keep trying to push down so that I don't depress other people, just comes bubbling over and I just can't hold it back anymore. Where did I go wrong? Sorry for my pity party of one. I just need to express myself without judgment. Except I probably will be judged anyway. Debating on putting this on my myspace blog. There is only one person that even reads this blog and that's my sister. Thank you Melessa for being my only reader. I love you.